Be grateful for the moment you hit rock bottom because at that exact moment you learn who you really are, who your ride or dies are and how much strength you actually possess. See the thing is while you are “falling” people can actually see that you are going to hit rock bottom, you just don’t see it as yet you just think that the “fall” are minor setbacks nothing major and in this process of “falling and hitting rock bottom”, you find your “friends” who miraculously appeared during your come up and clinged onto you like a leech does to a person quickly disappear, they stay away from you the same way people from the bible kept away from people with leprosy. You suddenly have no one to turn to because during your come up those that helped you in the beginning somehow didn’t fit into the image in your head and going back to them with your tail between your legs and admitting you’re wrong and that your screwed up is something you can’t bring yourself to doing because your EGO, PRIDE and THE HIGH HORSE you’re on won’t let you. So you’re still falling, no one to turn to, nothing left to help ease the fall and EGO, PRIDE and THE HIGH HORSE you’re on are looking at you as if you can poop out a golden egg to stop you from hitting rock bottom, so what now? The only thing, the only person you have to look at is the self. By the time you realise that the self is the only person that can help you you’ve already hit rock bottom. And here’s the sad part you still doubt the self and so instead of listening to the self you ignore the self and look up for a rope or a hand that can pull you up but you can’t see because there’s so much dust in the air from hitting the floor hard, so you forced to look down, look at the foundation you built, look at the bricks you used to build your pedestal, the material you used and how you built your pedestal. Now this is the moment you should be grateful for because right there and then you choose how you want your pedestal to be built, you select which pieces from the old pedestal will be part of the new on YOU decide at what pace it will be built and who will be part of this beautiful process. Within that beautiful process you not only reconnect with the self but you strengthen that bond you build a fortress around this bond and through that bond you are introduced to humility, nobility and higher intelligence who teach you that you need to open to learning and that its ok to make mistakes just don’t make the same mistake twice because you won’t learn anything and embrace every downfall you come across as it’s also a method of aggressively removing people and things that aren’t meant to be with you when you succeed.
I am insecure and I’m ok with it
What people perceive as humble
Is simply me shying away because I feel like I don’t meet the occasion.
I hide in the shadows because it’s safer there.
I feel secure in my insecurities.
It’s easier to say the next person is better since I just can’t bear to receive a compliment.
The thought of someone acknowledging me isn’t something I’d be proud of.
I don’t feel worthy of it,
My insecurities made sure of that…
It’s just so much easier to say I can’t not having tried before.
To nominate someone else although I’m the perfect candidate.
To silence myself before my voice is taken away.
I feel so much better when I’m behind the scenes.
Oh, how comfortable I am in my insecurities
Where “self hate” resides right next to “fear of being humiliated”,
And not too far of from “putting myself down lane”
Which is opposite “I don’t feel worthy park” where a river called “shame” flows
All safely guarded by a tactical force called insecurities.
I found solace in my insecurities
The one place where comfort shouldn’t exist
I found peace in saying I’m not good enough
I found relief in thinking I can’t
I found compassion in being in the shadows
My insecurities consoled me in a way my securities couldn’t
I feel safe in my insecurities.
I am worth more than a bottle of moët…
Fact that I don’t even know what it tastes like, should tell you…
My body can’t be be bought by alcohol so…
Don’t bother asking, “how many drinks will it take to get home with me”
You can try taking me to an expensive restaurant,
But I’m just gonna end up ordering fries coz your bougie broke ass lifestyle doesn’t live up to the fine elegant taste I have called plain and simple…
I am worth more than a bottle of ciroc…
Boo I don’t need spirits in the form of a beverage coz I got the Holy Spirit and that’s more than enough.
Buying me clothes won’t do shit you’ll probably get the wrong size either way
And don’t think waving cash in my face will get me all excited coz not even manhood could do a proper job…
Like I said,
I’m worth more than a bottle of henessy…
Don’t assume every girl in a weave, with makeup wearing a tight short dressing is:
Dumb enough to go home with you
Materialistic enough to get excited over things you buy them
Or naive to believe the bullshit you whisper in her ear…
Everyone has a price…
Not everyone is bought with alcohol…
If you gonna try challenge us then,
Try seeing how further you can make me think and not how further I can bend over.
Instead seeing how quickly you can get me to bed, see how quick I can learn about your field of work.
Rather then worrying about how my moaning motivates you, how about you motivate me get that education….
Don’t complain about how my school work is taking up our time for Netflix and chill… my guy increase our time together by creating Study and Chill….
My education, values, morals or self worth aren’t worth “a bottle”…
So don’t assume I can be bought
Because assumptions make an ass out of you and me…
I am worth more than just a bottle…
Letting go isn’t a sign of growth, it is the first step to allowing the process of growth to happen in your life. By removing yourself from negativity, things that threaten your health and peace of mind, anything that is compromising your values, Degenerates and anything and everything that doesn’t add substance to your being means you’ve acknowlegded what you need to improve. As a queen you know that perfection isn’t attainable but progress is what you live for and in order to progress we need to let go and when we let go we also need to move on, but for some reason the moving on part seems to be the thing we leave out. Since we believe that after we let go we’re done, we all good, we’re sorted now we’ve got space for new bad habits and negative, compromising, degenerating things which only sets up back even further from where we started. We forget the most vital point of growing which is moving on…. It is there whether we want it or not. Growing means moving on to an even better place, moving on shows maturity and independence. I mean as kids we couldn’t wait to move on from one grade to another because it showed we were growing so what’s so different about moving on after letting go? Letting go means there is place for that purpose you need to fulfill, there is place for new life and lessons but in order to receive that you need to make that move to the place you’re ment to be in order to grow.
It is finally here, I made it…. Well I can’t take all the credit I did get help from someone we all take for granted…. I mean He was there through the tear, self hatred, the anger, the moving back and forth He saw all the nasty parts and moved along with me till it got pleasant and eventually got to the pretty. I must say it wasn’t easy especially when it came to being honest with yourself, that time you spend confessing all the lies you believed isn’t a pleasant site but it was something that was needed, you can’t move forward while you living a lie, right? Then it got to taking back what you lost like your worth, self esteem, joy, crown, Kingdom and most of all your relationship with the big helper. He really was helpful, He showed me how to become whole again, how to seek truth through Him how to fix me in His image, I saw myself in a different light, I felt like I just got a long overdue wardrobe change. He took me at my weakest and made me strong. He took me out of the darkness and showed me the light. He took all the broken pieces and made me whole. I asked for happiness He gave me joy. I asked for acceptance and he gave me piece. He loved me when I couldn’t love myself, He taught , how fall in love with myself all over again.
I am a testimony of His grace and mercy.
Thank you Jesus
Stars in her eyes.
So full of life.
Everyday is like an adventure to her.
She goes to bed every night counting down the hours till the sun rises again so she can begin the new journey that awaits her…
Hungry for knowledge
Motivated by a mere everyday thing called growing up
She is mesmerised by the different flavours life has to offer, so eager to taste every last bit…
She walks to the beat of her own rhythm
She exudes her new found values to the world
Ready to even defy the rules of science, her only goal is to change the world….
Reality just hit
She opened her eyes to the big bad world
The stars in her eyes are dim, her entire world shattered each piece leaving it’s own unique mark as a reminder.
She dies more and more inside
Used as a trophy to the “Man”
She forgets her worth
She it taught to live by an untrue fact that a man is the only thing she’ll need….
she remembers how it began
She gracefully carries herself with elegance
Walking away from all the pain, negativity and everything that jeopardise her peace
She needs no approval, ready to conquer and take back all she lost.
She is whole.
She is strong.
She is perfectly imperfect.
It’s always a tough decison for a queen to pick between love and success. But here’s the thing if you find a partner that cares about you and your dreams you wouldn’t have to pick between the two. This isn’t about having your cake and eating it this is about being with someone who will never let you compromise your throne by letting you choose between your Kingdom and them. A queen must find her king and her king should be conquering his own Kingdom and only be looking to find a queen who is conquering her own kingdom that way you can both build each other into better people. A queen deserves a king that knows her worth and appreciates how she’ll never comprise herself for him, instead she’ll ensure that he works just as hard as she does if not more.
Be the queen you know you should be with or without a king
You’ve had your heart broken.
You’ve had your life torn apart.
You lost everything.
You lost everyone.
Your entire being was turned upside down
Through it all you held your head up high and kept going.
You tried to pick up the pieces
You tried to put it back together
You looked for everything
You searched for everyone
You entire being is still stuck in turmoil
Through it all you realised, “fuck it”
Your heart got broken, yes… And it isn’t the the first nor the last there’s nothing special or different about the ex, the didn’t realise that they had a gold mine on their hands so forget about it.
Your life is torn apart, so what? Has there ever been a life that’s all in one piece, I don’t think so, so gather all the pieces and ensure they are all in one place I mean you don’t need your shit all over the place right…
You lost everything… Maybe you weren’t suppose to have it. Look at it this way stop focusing on what you have and start looking at what you can do its not like you going to be buried with your things once you dead.
You lost everyone… No no no! Everyone lost you, they couldn’t handle awesomeness so find people who can, you’re not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea.
Your entire being is turned upside down and… Who know which way is the right way up even your being could be positioned the right way the only thing you should worry about is your entire being being at peace through all the turmoil.
Screw everything, keep your head up, own your throne and grow your Kingdom that’s all that matters
Starting all over is never easy but it is necessary and I don’t mean picking up the broken pieces and putting them back together. A fresh start means taking the dustpan sweeping up all the pieces even the ones that look like you can fix and throwing it all away in the dustbin. Reason why specifically say “throw it all away in the dust” is because we tend to hold on to things unnecessarily, yes we want a fresh start but the thought of starting everything all over or even letting go of old grudges and emotions creates this fear of, “what will I fill this space with now?” We somehow create this panic within ourselves where it seem like if we get rid of these pieces we instantly lose our identities, we simply don’t know who we are without these pieces. Or better yet we are able sweep up the pieces but we throw it under the rug…. That still does nothing you because you might say you got rid of it but you know where that extra junk in your trunk comes from sad part is it ways you down. That dirt under the rug is like being in a toxic relationship you know you have to get out because you deserve better of but you don’t want to and it ends up damaging you way beyond repair or worse it kills you all because of that fear of stepping out on your own and starting a fresh. But here’s the worst of the bunch the ones who sweep up everything and I mean everything make their way to the dustbin but don’t get rid of the dirt or they do get rid of it but the won’t leave…. I don’t know how but there is a sense of guilt that falls upon us at this point where it seem like we seem to be betraying ourselves by throwing away the very same pieces that were once part of us, how do you just throw such away just like that? This become that ex that leaves you than as soon as you find that piece of happiness they have to some how ruin because they aren’t happy and if they aren’t happy you can’t be happy either. This is where you end up feeling stagnant it looks like everyone around is happy and moving on with their lives and you are just standing by the dustbin with a dustpan in your hand deciding whether to throw it all away or keep it all…
We never realise that starting all over is a way of making progress or promoting ourselves and as we move up there are things that fall or break off because they aren’t ment to move up with us, look at it like a fruit tree the more it grows the more pruning it has to get in order to bear more fruit, same with us when you start all over you have to get rid of certain things to make way for new ones. So when starting a fresh make sure you get rid of all the excess baggage, a new life doesn’t need things from the past hindering it from success
This isn’t a gender based issue.
We all have fallen victim of it.
We’ve all vowed that it would never happen to us but…. It did.
It really is easy to judge and speak about how it’s done real damage to people until we ourselves go through it.
Sad part is it leaves us with a whole lot of questions and we end up questioning our own judgement.
So why does it happen, how does it happen, is there even a way to see or sense that it’s happening?
Why do we let relationships, no the person we are in a relationship with change, control and consume us?
I mean we keep “preaching” this thing to everyone one around us especially to young women, “Don’t let your partner know that they are the BE ALL and END ALL in your life or else you’re screwed!” and yet we as the “preacher” do exactly what we said shouldn’t be done and in most cases truth be told as much as I hate saying it, it is women who do this. I don’t know if it’s a curse or we are just stubborn sometimes or we think we are immune to our own advise, I don’t know, what I know is that most of the time women are the ones who change for their partners, women give their partners all the control and women are the one that give their entire being to their partners so they can consume it. And no female can deny this fact, it is a sad and horrible one but it is the truth. There have been many strong, driven, successful women we know that have gone into a relationship and changed total they become weak and insecure women who seek approval from their partners, they only do things that their partners “allow” them to do. All of a sudden everything they work so hard for doesn’t matter anymore because what, because why, because who?
Are we that insecure that we feel like we need to downgrade ourselves in every way possible just to keep that one person who doesn’t add shit to our lives? Is our thinking so backward that we have to forget who we are and ensure that our partners are the ones who are moving forward and succeeding?
But like I said in the beginning this isn’t a gender based issue even though it happens mostly with women we can say that man also have the same issue. You find a man who is strong, secure of himself and hard working who will enter into a relationship and they become desperate, over compensating slaves to their partners, they will literally jump head over hills, leaving everything just for their partner who who only calls when they need something…
Til when are we going to let these people have this effect on us?
Woman start realising your worth. Know that if you have to sacrifice something that is a vital part of you then they weren’t worthy of ruling your Kingdom with you. Never and I mean never downgrade yourself for someone who doesn’t add value to your life matter of face dint downgrade yourself for anyone at all your life is all about none stop progress!
Man if you ever have to go unreasonably above and beyond for someone who can’t even be there at you lowest then it’s time to cut your losses. Realise that being a man is more than just a title, it is hard work and the sooner you realise that the sooner you’ll find you the support structure for your foundation. Never become anyone’s slave and work towards making progress everyday of your life.
Let’s stop this involuntary change.