Contentment
A point that most us wish to reach
Where you are ok with everything and everyone.
Where you have accepted that a lot of things are just out of your control and the only thing you can control is how you react.
A point where you realise that it’s ok to be sad sometimes
And whenever that moment of joy comes your way you just need to bask in that piece of joy for as long as you can.
Appreciate that everyday is ment to be celebrated whether good or bad because you survived and made it through without giving up
Contentment is knowing that God is in control and you don’t have to worry about a thing.

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We were good together.

Like two peas in a pod.

You got me

And I got you.

The perfect partners in crime…

We fell in love

And we loved hard

Till one couldn’t love the other anymore…

Consumed by life and it’s different flavours 

We grew apart 

Became total strangers 

We both thought we found love in different places 

Yet something always pulled us back.

Just not to each other.

So we shied away from love 

We participated in the occasional hook ups….

But we didn’t hook up with each other

Spent meaningless time with meaningless people 

Trying to fill that void we knew no one else could.

All it took was one drunk night

One simple night spent with a “supposed” meaningless person led to

A morning that was ment to be filled with guilt and regret

Turned into a moment of jubilee 

A moment where true love finally conquered…

Finally reunited!

Till it hit us both

“How many times have you done this?”

“Are you with someone? ”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“Did you even miss me?”

Overwhelmed with guilt and wondering should we try again .

Somehow we just knew that we it just wouldn’t work out….

But we went for it

The odds were against us

And the evens were for us 

Destined for tragedy we took the wide open road to dooms ville 

Fooled each other and called ourselves rebels

We Were rebels that walked happily into a trap called heartbreak .

You found me and I was still urging to taste the variety flavours… 

You saw a future and I saw convenience

You wanted love and I just couldn’t give it anymore…

You walked away and I pretended it didn’t phase me

Yea we were rebels alright 

So much for a happily ever after 

For me that is

As I watch the one I love, fall in love with someone else…

This isn’t a gender based issue. 

We all have fallen victim of it. 

We’ve all vowed that it would never happen to us but…. It did. 

It really is easy to judge and speak about how it’s done real damage to people until we ourselves go through it. 

Sad part is it leaves us with a whole lot of questions and we end up questioning our own judgement.

So why does it happen, how does it happen, is there even a way to see or sense that it’s happening?

Why do we let relationships, no the person we are in a relationship with change, control and consume us?

I mean we keep “preaching” this thing to everyone one around us especially to young women, “Don’t let your partner know that they are the BE ALL and END ALL in your life or else you’re screwed!” and yet we as the “preacher” do exactly what we said shouldn’t be done and in most cases truth be told as much as I hate saying it, it is women who do this. I don’t know if it’s a curse or we are just stubborn sometimes or we think we are immune to our own advise, I don’t know, what I know is that most of the time women are the ones who change for their partners, women give their partners all the control and women are the one that give their entire being to their partners so they can consume it. And no female can deny this fact, it is a sad and horrible one but it is the truth. There have been many strong, driven, successful women we know that have gone into a relationship and changed total they become weak and insecure women who seek approval from their partners, they only do things that their partners “allow” them to do. All of a sudden everything they work so hard for doesn’t matter anymore because what, because why, because who? 
Are we that insecure that we feel like we need to downgrade ourselves in every way possible just to keep that one person who doesn’t add shit to our lives? Is our thinking so backward that we have to forget who we are and ensure that our partners are the ones who are moving forward and succeeding? 

But like I said in the beginning this isn’t a gender based issue even though it happens mostly with women we can say that man also have the same issue. You find a man who is strong, secure of himself and hard working who will enter into a relationship and they become desperate, over compensating slaves to their partners, they will literally jump head over hills, leaving everything just for their partner who who only calls when they need something… 
Til when? 

Til when are we going to let these people have this effect on us?

Woman start realising your worth. Know that if you have to sacrifice something that is a vital  part of you then they weren’t worthy of ruling your Kingdom with you. Never and I mean never downgrade yourself for someone who doesn’t add value to your life matter of face dint downgrade yourself for anyone at all your life is all about none stop progress!

Man if you ever have to go unreasonably above and beyond for someone who can’t even be there at you lowest then it’s time to cut your losses. Realise that being a man is more than just a title, it is hard work and the sooner you realise that the sooner you’ll find you the support structure for your foundation. Never become anyone’s slave and work towards making progress everyday of your life.

Let’s stop this involuntary change.

The one that got away.

You’re happy now.

You found the one that was ment for you.

I’m happy for you.

But I can’t be happy with you….

You were always the one for me.

I just wasn’t ready for that love that you came with,

Or that’s just what I kept telling myself.

Truth is: 

I was afraid.

I didn’t feel worthy of your love, 

matter of fact I felt like you were too good for me.

Your kisses created a feeling of guilt.

Your touch felt like bees stinging me all over.

Hearing you say I love just killed me.

Hence I became distant.

I pulled away from you.

I needed to cut all ties with you.

I needed to make it seem like we never happened.

But 

We did happen 

We actually had something good going on.

I tried to forget about you and I couldn’t 

You were perfect for me…

I just wasn’t ready for you at that time.

You were the one that got away

The worst feeling about a break up isn’t the time wasted with the person, nor the pain they caused you. The worst feeling about a break up is when you look at yourself and not know who you are any more. The realisation of how much you’ve changed and it isn’t even for the better. The fact that you’ve become the thing you fear or even mock. 

You cry because you broke the one promise you made to yourself, “never change who you are for your partner unless it’s improve you as an individual in or out of a relationship.” You made them centre of you word and worst of all you let them know, that is how you changed. You sacrificed so much of yourself that you have nothing left. You put everything else in your life on hold to make them happy. You broke yourself so you could build them up. 

You created a happily ever after in your head even before you were happy with them. You lost yourself just so they could be found. And where are they now? Where is that same person who “vowed” to be there for you when shit got real? You were there when they we broken, no shattered into piece. You helped them pick each and every piece even though it ment you getting cut in the process. 

The thing that hurts most is you saw it happen, you allowed it to happen, you even turn the blind just to console yourself. And now you’re asking yourself where did we go wrong, what did I do wrong, wasn’t I good enough even when you know the answer. Yes break ups are terrible and they hurt but, the worst thing about a break up is being left with the question, “who am I?”

Stop it!

Stop lying to yourself.

Stop convincing yourself that they will change.

Stop giving them countless chances to do better.

Just STOP!

You’ve heard all the excuses,

You’ve dealt with the betrayal,

You’ve been through the sleepless night of convincing yourself that things will be better.

You have been through the entire cycle, bought the t-shirt, wore the t-shirt till it faded and bought a new one again.

So STOP!

The only thing that will change is their looks and not even for the better.

The only thing that will get better are the excuse for you to take them back.

You gonna drive yourself crazy by having more sleepless nights lying to yourself so you can feel better.

There was life before they came into the picture,

Life continued even when they were around,

And guess what?

Life still continues without them.
Do yourself a favour and put a stop to it

Save yourself and say no

Get your peace of mind back and just block their ass.

Most importantly look at for number one (YOU)

A letter to him

The last 2 months I’ve learnt a lot about myself. I realised I can’t stay angry no matter how much I try, I’ve learnt to embrace my insecurities and to fall in love with myself all over again the greatest impact so far on me is finding myself in Christ again. I’ve let go of everything and just started all over. I don’t regret anything about us, I am actually grateful it all happened otherwise I wouldn’t have been where I am and if someone asked me if I would do it again I’d say yes. I’m not fully over you matter of fact I won’t get over you but I am moving on and seeking joy for myself, like I said in the text messages and everything I am about my life now and all I want is piece of mind. It still hurts not know what happened and why it did but I don’t cry as much any, it doesn’t really hurt anymore and look at your jacket everyday doesn’t break me anymoreI am happy by myself because I prayed about it and I prayed for you. I’m still worried about and I do miss you I hope you’re ok.

our moments of brokenness always pass through the hands of our good and faithful heavenly Father.

Romans 8:18