Be grateful for the moment you hit rock bottom because at that exact moment you learn who you really are, who your ride or dies are and how much strength you actually possess. See the thing is while you are “falling” people can actually see that you are going to hit rock bottom, you just don’t see it as yet you just think that the “fall” are minor setbacks nothing major and in this process of “falling and hitting rock bottom”, you find your “friends” who miraculously appeared during your come up and clinged onto you like a leech does to a person quickly disappear, they stay away from you the same way people from the bible kept away from people with leprosy. You suddenly have no one to turn to because during your come up those that helped you in the beginning somehow didn’t fit into the image in your head and going back to them with your tail between your legs and admitting you’re wrong and that your screwed up is something you can’t bring yourself to doing because your EGO, PRIDE and THE HIGH HORSE you’re on won’t let you. So you’re still falling, no one to turn to, nothing left to help ease the fall and EGO, PRIDE and THE HIGH HORSE you’re on are looking at you as if you can poop out a golden egg to stop you from hitting rock bottom, so what now? The only thing, the only person you have to look at is the self. By the time you realise that the self is the only person that can help you you’ve already hit rock bottom. And here’s the sad part you still doubt the self and so instead of listening to the self you ignore the self and look up for a rope or a hand that can pull you up but you can’t see because there’s so much dust in the air from hitting the floor hard, so you forced to look down, look at the foundation you built, look at the bricks you used to build your pedestal, the material you used and how you built your pedestal. Now this is the moment you should be grateful for because right there and then you choose how you want your pedestal to be built, you select which pieces from the old pedestal will be part of the new on YOU decide at what pace it will be built and who will be part of this beautiful process. Within that beautiful process you not only reconnect with the self but you strengthen that bond you build a fortress around this bond and through that bond you are introduced to humility, nobility and higher intelligence who teach you that you need to open to learning and that its ok to make mistakes just don’t make the same mistake twice because you won’t learn anything and embrace every downfall you come across as it’s also a method of aggressively removing people and things that aren’t meant to be with you when you succeed.
I am insecure and I’m ok with it
What people perceive as humble
Is simply me shying away because I feel like I don’t meet the occasion.
I hide in the shadows because it’s safer there.
I feel secure in my insecurities.
It’s easier to say the next person is better since I just can’t bear to receive a compliment.
The thought of someone acknowledging me isn’t something I’d be proud of.
I don’t feel worthy of it,
My insecurities made sure of that…
It’s just so much easier to say I can’t not having tried before.
To nominate someone else although I’m the perfect candidate.
To silence myself before my voice is taken away.
I feel so much better when I’m behind the scenes.
Oh, how comfortable I am in my insecurities
Where “self hate” resides right next to “fear of being humiliated”,
And not too far of from “putting myself down lane”
Which is opposite “I don’t feel worthy park” where a river called “shame” flows
All safely guarded by a tactical force called insecurities.
I found solace in my insecurities
The one place where comfort shouldn’t exist
I found peace in saying I’m not good enough
I found relief in thinking I can’t
I found compassion in being in the shadows
My insecurities consoled me in a way my securities couldn’t
I feel safe in my insecurities.
Moghel you are more than just breasts and ass
When God made you,
He took His time…
He let man fall asleep
Took a bone that protected man’s life
And moulded you into a perfect master piece with it.
Beyps you are not piece of item that has to be shown off by someone who doesn’t know your real worth…
You are beyond precious
Not even the wealth of the entire world comes close to your how much you are worth…
Woman you were created by the creator Himself to carry and give birth to every single creation He thought of.
Sweetheart you are so much stronger than you think you are.
You have been beaten, raped and labelled horrible names and yet you rise up even stronger than ever
You wear your scars as if they were them most precious stones on earth.
You bear it all so they don’t have to
No matter how painful or bad things are you still carry yourself so elegantly like you’ve got the world’s riches in your hands
Baby girl you don’t need to be part of the crowd to be seen
You are more than the latest fashion and trends
Your so called squad doesn’t define who you are
How you can get a man to buy you doesn’t make you beautiful
That hair and make up doesn’t cover up what’s pretty or ugly inside
You are stronger and content when you know who you are and have accepted your flaws and are willing to change only for you.
You are a woman
A masterpiece created by the Creator Himself
Unapologetic for who she is and why she’s here
Unashamed to bare it all for everyone to see
Loyal to the royal within
A queen in her own right.
We were good together.
Like two peas in a pod.
You got me
And I got you.
The perfect partners in crime…
We fell in love
And we loved hard
Till one couldn’t love the other anymore…
Consumed by life and it’s different flavours
We grew apart
Became total strangers
We both thought we found love in different places
Yet something always pulled us back.
Just not to each other.
So we shied away from love
We participated in the occasional hook ups….
But we didn’t hook up with each other
Spent meaningless time with meaningless people
Trying to fill that void we knew no one else could.
All it took was one drunk night
One simple night spent with a “supposed” meaningless person led to
A morning that was ment to be filled with guilt and regret
Turned into a moment of jubilee
A moment where true love finally conquered…
Till it hit us both
“How many times have you done this?”
“Are you with someone? ”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“Did you even miss me?”
Overwhelmed with guilt and wondering should we try again .
Somehow we just knew that we it just wouldn’t work out….
But we went for it
The odds were against us
And the evens were for us
Destined for tragedy we took the wide open road to dooms ville
Fooled each other and called ourselves rebels
We Were rebels that walked happily into a trap called heartbreak .
You found me and I was still urging to taste the variety flavours…
You saw a future and I saw convenience
You wanted love and I just couldn’t give it anymore…
You walked away and I pretended it didn’t phase me
Yea we were rebels alright
So much for a happily ever after
For me that is
As I watch the one I love, fall in love with someone else…
The dreams they sold us…
I hope there’s a return policy.
I didn’t buy them willingly
I didn’t know I was even buying them
No one mentioned anything about selling dreams
If I knew they were for sale I wouldn’t have bought any I mean who want this:
I remember being told that I could be anything that I wanted to be, that I could be all that I aspire to be that if I reached high enough I would be able to touch the stars…
But the stars I’m reaching for are my Chuck Taylor All Stars,
I’m aspiring have nice life problems
And all I want to be is financially secure…
My teachers use to tell me if you work hard enough you’ll get into university then graduate and have the job of your dreams earning a big fat cheque driving the most luxurious car you want
Well so much for driving that car because I’m trying to drive the brokeness out of my life
Living from cheque to cheque with that degree I was told to get…
I’m out here watching high school drop out living it up in burbs…
My hard work isn’t really compensating me the way it should I think a refund should be in order…
Remember when bae would hold your hand, look you in the eyes and say,
” baby you the only one for me”
“My love we are going to be together forever”
” baby it us against the world ”
And yea you were the only one… the only one in your neighbourhood actually,
The forever they spoke about usually lasted 3 months
Us against the world… more like us against each other
So much for living the dream,
Now you just want to stay in the dream by sleeping…
You could still believe in love…
Nah, that’s some bullshit fairytale stuff
And this whole school situation like someone need to give us a guide stating how to make it in life with a degree
These dreams y’all sold us,
You can have them back.
Life made easy.
Life made simpler.
Life made convenient.
It’s the life we live…
A life where easy made us lazy
Simpler made us stupid
Convenient made us settle for less…
A life we chose and said hard work doesn’t pay off because of corruption,
Where you take short cuts and just blackmail your way to the top,
And as long as you get a big fat cheque at the end of the month then it doesn’t matter who gets hurt…
Life as we know it.
Life as we see it
The life that we choose to live…
A life of convenience.
A life where dreams are shattered
And you have to fight for what’s already yours,
Where money is more important than human life,
And every single lazy uneducated person believes the world owes them something so they are entitled to take it…
This is the life of convenience that you chose,
Where it’s kill or be killed
Look the other way when they are torturing you own brother or sister,
Where you have to pay the same people who cause harm around you for safety.
This is the life of convenience that our elders fought for.
The same convenient life that has taught you to trust no one not even yourself.
That if you help someone out of the goodness of your heart you will be paid back with pain
Where in order to move up in life someone has to fall…
That’s the convenient life we keep advertising to our kids by saying it’s ok to,
Kidnap young girls and sell them or the body parts to get ahead in life.
Like it really is ok to beat up innocent people just show everyone that you have the power to.
And its really and I mean really is ok to steal food out of poor childrens month’s because you need it more because your life is far more important…
This is the life of convenience that we live,
A life filled with greed, corruption, fear, involuntary imprisonment and pain.
All because it’s easier to look the other way, pretend that nothing is wrong and allow yourself to be put in a prison of convenience…
If this is what convenience has to offer then
I don’t want a convenient life.
I fell for it…
I allowed my emotions to get the better of me.
Once again I let my heart do all the thinking.
Time and time I keep telling myself that it won’t happen…
But there it is…
My heart jumping first in the firing line.
My entire being so eager to get that fix called heartbreak…
It’s like I encourage this emotional mutilation.
Like I want you to break me all over again….
This back and forth,
Let’s start of as friends,
One minute you here next you gone situation kills me.
I no longer get bruised easily I just break into a billion pieces.
The mere thought of you sends me into an emotional ICU.
Sad part is I look forward to that high called heartbreak…
It’s the only way I still get something,
Feel something from you…
You are the only one who can give me that fix and you still fail at it.
You couldn’t succeed in keeping me
And you can’t succeed in giving me heartbreaks…
I keep asking myself what it is i need to do.
I’m addicted to you breaking up with me
You hurting me
You constantly disappointing me…
I looked forward to all of that…
It gave me an all time high,
It kept me connected to you….
Now I’m all alone
You found new addict to break now that I’m broken beyond repair…
I want to love without any boundaries, love without wanting to be loved back. Find a soul mate, best friend, spiritual mentor and lover in one person.
I want to be rebellious in ways no one ever imagined me to be. I want to do what I love, do what makes me happy. I want make love to your brain because you just fucked mine. I want your body to communicate with mine I need to feel all its desires. I need to dance in the rain without worrying about anyone saying something. I want to be care free, I want to be able to say “I don’t give 2 fucks what you think.” and not feel bad about it
I want to be about my life, be about my happiness, be about my desires.
Shit if I wanna hoe around I should I mean its my cake and my conscience at stake
If wanna get sipped and have a one night stand I fucking should
Should I want to be a mean ass bitch from hell then boo boo call me the ice queen…
Yes this is what I want….
What I desire.
I can’t have it.
I can’t be who I want to be.
I can’t express my sexual side.
I can’t taste the different flavours that life has to offer.
I can’t believe in love.
I can’t have my cake and eat it even though I’m the one who baked it…
I’m forced to lie in a bed I didn’t choose or even make.
Really why is it???
I mean it is a free world right?
You can’t be yourself. You can’t taste the different flavours life has to offer since life is poison.
Love on the other had don’t do jack why “these hoes ain’t loyal…” right? Nope wrong again this love situation is so complex because we always selfish with ourselves, we got trust issues, we fear commitment AND we don’t know how to love since we’ve all experienced some form of heartbreak and pain.
We can’t be ourselves since we fear rejection and loneliness, we put up this front that ends up consuming us and we left not knowing who we are and that’s why people have what you call an “identify crisis”. You have a crisis with your identity because of that mask you had on to get fake friends, create a fake life and impress ass holes who aren’t worth your time.
Sexuality on the other hand is such an issue especially for women we keep saying we equals but when a woman comes out and says I’m seeing multiple guys at the same time she is a whore that has no morals or self respect but when it’s a guy he is congratulated or the excuse “aargh he’s just a man. ” is used but till when though? Til when can a woman express her sexiness without being harassed or judged live her sexual life as she please without being labeled a whore.
It’s so easy to point fingers and judge others for things they do, the situations they are in,or the life they live. We walk on higher ground saying how screwed up they are without even understanding reasons behind these actions or circumstances.
We seem to forget how messed up each and everyone one of us are! We are all screwed up in own way, some of us are even broken, so when are we going just stop the whole, “do as I say and not as I do” situation? Let one live and do as they please?