Be grateful for the moment you hit rock bottom because at that exact moment you learn who you really are, who your ride or dies are and how much strength you actually possess. See the thing is while you are “falling” people can actually see that you are going to hit rock bottom, you just don’t see it as yet you just think that the “fall” are minor setbacks nothing major and in this process of “falling and hitting rock bottom”, you find your “friends” who miraculously appeared during your come up and clinged onto you like a leech does to a person quickly disappear, they stay away from you the same way people from the bible kept away from people with leprosy. You suddenly have no one to turn to because during your come up those that helped you in the beginning somehow didn’t fit into the image in your head and going back to them with your tail between your legs and admitting you’re wrong and that your screwed up is something you can’t bring yourself to doing because your EGO, PRIDE and THE HIGH HORSE you’re on won’t let you. So you’re still falling, no one to turn to, nothing left to help ease the fall and EGO, PRIDE and THE HIGH HORSE you’re on are looking at you as if you can poop out a golden egg to stop you from hitting rock bottom, so what now? The only thing, the only person you have to look at is the self. By the time you realise that the self is the only person that can help you you’ve already hit rock bottom. And here’s the sad part you still doubt the self and so instead of listening to the self you ignore the self and look up for a rope or a hand that can pull you up but you can’t see because there’s so much dust in the air from hitting the floor hard, so you forced to look down, look at the foundation you built, look at the bricks you used to build your pedestal, the material you used and how you built your pedestal. Now this is the moment you should be grateful for because right there and then you choose how you want your pedestal to be built, you select which pieces from the old pedestal will be part of the new on YOU decide at what pace it will be built and who will be part of this beautiful process. Within that beautiful process you not only reconnect with the self but you strengthen that bond you build a fortress around this bond and through that bond you are introduced to humility, nobility and higher intelligence who teach you that you need to open to learning and that its ok to make mistakes just don’t make the same mistake twice because you won’t learn anything and embrace every downfall you come across as it’s also a method of aggressively removing people and things that aren’t meant to be with you when you succeed.
I am insecure and I’m ok with it
What people perceive as humble
Is simply me shying away because I feel like I don’t meet the occasion.
I hide in the shadows because it’s safer there.
I feel secure in my insecurities.
It’s easier to say the next person is better since I just can’t bear to receive a compliment.
The thought of someone acknowledging me isn’t something I’d be proud of.
I don’t feel worthy of it,
My insecurities made sure of that…
It’s just so much easier to say I can’t not having tried before.
To nominate someone else although I’m the perfect candidate.
To silence myself before my voice is taken away.
I feel so much better when I’m behind the scenes.
Oh, how comfortable I am in my insecurities
Where “self hate” resides right next to “fear of being humiliated”,
And not too far of from “putting myself down lane”
Which is opposite “I don’t feel worthy park” where a river called “shame” flows
All safely guarded by a tactical force called insecurities.
I found solace in my insecurities
The one place where comfort shouldn’t exist
I found peace in saying I’m not good enough
I found relief in thinking I can’t
I found compassion in being in the shadows
My insecurities consoled me in a way my securities couldn’t
I feel safe in my insecurities.
The dreams they sold us…
I hope there’s a return policy.
I didn’t buy them willingly
I didn’t know I was even buying them
No one mentioned anything about selling dreams
If I knew they were for sale I wouldn’t have bought any I mean who want this:
I remember being told that I could be anything that I wanted to be, that I could be all that I aspire to be that if I reached high enough I would be able to touch the stars…
But the stars I’m reaching for are my Chuck Taylor All Stars,
I’m aspiring have nice life problems
And all I want to be is financially secure…
My teachers use to tell me if you work hard enough you’ll get into university then graduate and have the job of your dreams earning a big fat cheque driving the most luxurious car you want
Well so much for driving that car because I’m trying to drive the brokeness out of my life
Living from cheque to cheque with that degree I was told to get…
I’m out here watching high school drop out living it up in burbs…
My hard work isn’t really compensating me the way it should I think a refund should be in order…
Remember when bae would hold your hand, look you in the eyes and say,
” baby you the only one for me”
“My love we are going to be together forever”
” baby it us against the world ”
And yea you were the only one… the only one in your neighbourhood actually,
The forever they spoke about usually lasted 3 months
Us against the world… more like us against each other
So much for living the dream,
Now you just want to stay in the dream by sleeping…
You could still believe in love…
Nah, that’s some bullshit fairytale stuff
And this whole school situation like someone need to give us a guide stating how to make it in life with a degree
These dreams y’all sold us,
You can have them back.
Life made easy.
Life made simpler.
Life made convenient.
It’s the life we live…
A life where easy made us lazy
Simpler made us stupid
Convenient made us settle for less…
A life we chose and said hard work doesn’t pay off because of corruption,
Where you take short cuts and just blackmail your way to the top,
And as long as you get a big fat cheque at the end of the month then it doesn’t matter who gets hurt…
Life as we know it.
Life as we see it
The life that we choose to live…
A life of convenience.
A life where dreams are shattered
And you have to fight for what’s already yours,
Where money is more important than human life,
And every single lazy uneducated person believes the world owes them something so they are entitled to take it…
This is the life of convenience that you chose,
Where it’s kill or be killed
Look the other way when they are torturing you own brother or sister,
Where you have to pay the same people who cause harm around you for safety.
This is the life of convenience that our elders fought for.
The same convenient life that has taught you to trust no one not even yourself.
That if you help someone out of the goodness of your heart you will be paid back with pain
Where in order to move up in life someone has to fall…
That’s the convenient life we keep advertising to our kids by saying it’s ok to,
Kidnap young girls and sell them or the body parts to get ahead in life.
Like it really is ok to beat up innocent people just show everyone that you have the power to.
And its really and I mean really is ok to steal food out of poor childrens month’s because you need it more because your life is far more important…
This is the life of convenience that we live,
A life filled with greed, corruption, fear, involuntary imprisonment and pain.
All because it’s easier to look the other way, pretend that nothing is wrong and allow yourself to be put in a prison of convenience…
If this is what convenience has to offer then
I don’t want a convenient life.
Not everyone will return the same kindness you give them.
Some people aren’t going to be as appreciative as you.
You aren’t going to get the same love you give.
Your smile isn’t going to be infectious to everyone
At the same time
They won’t know the joy you have found
They won’t experience the amazing feeling of being at the right place at the right time
They will never know the reason behind that smile
And this should keep pushing you to
Be kind no matter what or who it is
Be gratefu for all you have
Love as hard and as much as you can
It’s the only way you’ll experience that joy, freedom and peace