Security in my Insecurities

I am insecure and I’m ok with it

What people perceive as  humble

Is simply me shying away because I feel like I don’t meet the occasion. 

I hide in the shadows because it’s safer there.

I feel secure in my insecurities. 

It’s easier to say the next person is better since I just can’t bear to receive a compliment.

The thought of someone acknowledging me isn’t something I’d be proud of.

I don’t feel worthy of it,

My insecurities made sure of that…

It’s just so much easier to say I can’t not having tried before.

To nominate someone else although I’m the perfect candidate.

To silence myself before my voice is taken away.

I feel so much better when I’m behind the scenes.

Oh, how comfortable I am in my insecurities

Where “self hate” resides right next to “fear of being humiliated”, 

And not too far of from “putting myself down lane”

Which is opposite “I don’t feel worthy park” where a river called “shame” flows

All safely guarded by a tactical force called insecurities.

I found solace in my insecurities

The one place where comfort shouldn’t exist

I found peace in saying I’m not good enough 

I found relief in thinking I can’t 

I found compassion in being in the shadows 

My insecurities consoled me in a way my securities couldn’t 

I feel safe in my insecurities. 

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