Security in my Insecurities

I am insecure and I’m ok with it

What people perceive as  humble

Is simply me shying away because I feel like I don’t meet the occasion. 

I hide in the shadows because it’s safer there.

I feel secure in my insecurities. 

It’s easier to say the next person is better since I just can’t bear to receive a compliment.

The thought of someone acknowledging me isn’t something I’d be proud of.

I don’t feel worthy of it,

My insecurities made sure of that…

It’s just so much easier to say I can’t not having tried before.

To nominate someone else although I’m the perfect candidate.

To silence myself before my voice is taken away.

I feel so much better when I’m behind the scenes.

Oh, how comfortable I am in my insecurities

Where “self hate” resides right next to “fear of being humiliated”, 

And not too far of from “putting myself down lane”

Which is opposite “I don’t feel worthy park” where a river called “shame” flows

All safely guarded by a tactical force called insecurities.

I found solace in my insecurities

The one place where comfort shouldn’t exist

I found peace in saying I’m not good enough 

I found relief in thinking I can’t 

I found compassion in being in the shadows 

My insecurities consoled me in a way my securities couldn’t 

I feel safe in my insecurities. 

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Moghel you are more than just breasts and ass 

When God made you,

He took His time…

He let man fall asleep 

Took a bone that protected man’s life 

And moulded you into a perfect master piece with it.
Beyps you are not piece of item that has to be shown off by someone who doesn’t know your real worth…

You are beyond precious 

Not even the wealth of the entire world comes close to your how much you are worth…

Woman you were created by the creator Himself to carry and give birth to every single creation He thought of.
Sweetheart you are so much stronger than you think you are.

You have been beaten, raped and labelled  horrible names and yet you rise up even stronger than ever

You wear your scars as if they were them most precious stones on earth.

You bear it all so they don’t have to

No matter how painful or bad things are you still carry yourself so elegantly like you’ve got the world’s riches in your hands
Baby girl you don’t need to be part of the crowd to be seen 

You are more than the latest fashion and trends

Your so called squad doesn’t define who you are

How you can get a man to buy you doesn’t make you beautiful 

That hair and make up  doesn’t cover up what’s pretty or ugly inside

You are stronger and content when you know who you are and have accepted your flaws and are willing to change only for you.

 

You are a woman 

A masterpiece created by the Creator Himself 

Unapologetic for who she is and why she’s here

Unashamed to bare it all for everyone to see 

Loyal to the royal within

A queen in her own right.

We were good together.

Like two peas in a pod.

You got me

And I got you.

The perfect partners in crime…

We fell in love

And we loved hard

Till one couldn’t love the other anymore…

Consumed by life and it’s different flavours 

We grew apart 

Became total strangers 

We both thought we found love in different places 

Yet something always pulled us back.

Just not to each other.

So we shied away from love 

We participated in the occasional hook ups….

But we didn’t hook up with each other

Spent meaningless time with meaningless people 

Trying to fill that void we knew no one else could.

All it took was one drunk night

One simple night spent with a “supposed” meaningless person led to

A morning that was ment to be filled with guilt and regret

Turned into a moment of jubilee 

A moment where true love finally conquered…

Finally reunited!

Till it hit us both

“How many times have you done this?”

“Are you with someone? ”

“Why didn’t you call?”

“Did you even miss me?”

Overwhelmed with guilt and wondering should we try again .

Somehow we just knew that we it just wouldn’t work out….

But we went for it

The odds were against us

And the evens were for us 

Destined for tragedy we took the wide open road to dooms ville 

Fooled each other and called ourselves rebels

We Were rebels that walked happily into a trap called heartbreak .

You found me and I was still urging to taste the variety flavours… 

You saw a future and I saw convenience

You wanted love and I just couldn’t give it anymore…

You walked away and I pretended it didn’t phase me

Yea we were rebels alright 

So much for a happily ever after 

For me that is

As I watch the one I love, fall in love with someone else…

10 blessings I learnt about life…

1. Let God be the centre of your life, He isn’t going simply be there without you saying or asking him, God unlike use is polite, gentle and well-mannered. Invite God in all you do and he shall be there.

2. No one and I mean no one is perfect. We might think that perfection it the place we want to reach but think about the time it took to reach perfection… we aren’t here to be perfect, we are here to make progress, improve ourselves and move on to bigger and better things.

3. It’s not about when or how you start or even end because that’s just it, it’s a beginning and end. What matters is the manner in which you carry yourself throughout the process, the small failures that could have made you give up and the small triumphs that give you hope, those are the important moments that define one’s character.

4. It has been said multiple times… “Life is a choice, you CHOOSE how to live it, you CHOOSE what you learn from it and you CHOOSE how it makes you better worse.”  Make  the choice already decide what it is you want and do it.

5. “Many are called, but  few are chosen.” Ask yourself what it is that sets apart people who were never from the people  who were called and the people who were called from the people who were chosen… EFFORT you can know it all and still not be called, you can be prepared and still not be chosen. Effort set you apart from everyone what you put in is exactly what you get out so whether you know or not put in the EFFORT and it will pay off.

6. Second chances are given to you in an abundance. If you are able to wake up whether you are hooked on machines or not the fact that you are able to wake up means you have another chance do things right, another chance to fight for what you want…. use that chance you get when you wake up.

7. Experts were once beginners also  don’t shy away from learner from those more experienced than you, you could be teaching them something in the process too….

8. Take your time, goals are never reached in one day. Allow yourself to go through the necessary changes, prepare yourself for what’s about to happen…. your time will come.

9. People don’t need to know about everything you do, you don’t know who’s pray for you and who’s praying against you. Keep QUIET and do you, the time for you to share things will come.

10. God is the be all and end all, the Alpha and Omega. Learn to trust His  timing it is always perfect.

If you had to leave 10 blessings you learnt about life what would yours be?

A letter to him

The last 2 months I’ve learnt a lot about myself. I realised I can’t stay angry no matter how much I try, I’ve learnt to embrace my insecurities and to fall in love with myself all over again the greatest impact so far on me is finding myself in Christ again. I’ve let go of everything and just started all over. I don’t regret anything about us, I am actually grateful it all happened otherwise I wouldn’t have been where I am and if someone asked me if I would do it again I’d say yes. I’m not fully over you matter of fact I won’t get over you but I am moving on and seeking joy for myself, like I said in the text messages and everything I am about my life now and all I want is piece of mind. It still hurts not know what happened and why it did but I don’t cry as much any, it doesn’t really hurt anymore and look at your jacket everyday doesn’t break me anymoreI am happy by myself because I prayed about it and I prayed for you. I’m still worried about and I do miss you I hope you’re ok.

our moments of brokenness always pass through the hands of our good and faithful heavenly Father.

Romans 8:18