She’s done 

You know she’s done when doesn’t do the things she used to do for you

You know she’s done when me doesn’t put in the same effort as before
You know she’s done when she doesn’t worry or fuss about you anymore
You know she’s done when on your bullshit doesn’t even faze her
You don’t call, she’s ok with that…
You don’t text, she doesn’t even panic any more…
She silently pulled away from you and you didn’t notice 
And you know you’re fucked when your threats to leave make her smile….
That’s when you know she’s done for good.

2 a. m thoughts of a broken heart

It’s night like these that I hate most. 

Nights where sleep seems to have run off, 

my brain starts wonder 

and my heart just feels forbidden feelings… 

Nights where I miss you dearly.

Or maybe not you but the things you did.

But then again it could be you that I miss…

But I say it again, I hate nights like these!

Where I yearn for your touch,

Your warmth.

How your heartbeat became a soothing lullaby,

Except now the only sound fall asleep to is my heart shatter.

I remember nights like these where:

Your kisses gave me a rush

The way you held me gave me this high that I couldn’t explain 

we became entwined.

And now nights like this remind me how bad my addiction to you was.

Moments of regret playing over and over like a horrible nightmare.

Flash backs of times where i could have left but didn’t.

I could smell the judgement in the room with just me….

I despise night like these….

They remind me of time where we use to stay up and have the most amazing conversation.

We watched movies and fell asleep during the movie.

We had moments of passion.

Now the only moment I have is my tears meeting my pillow….

It’s nights like these that

I wish I never met you or fell in love.

It’s nights like these that

I feel hatred for you.
It’s nights like these that

I wonder if you feel the pain I feel. 

It’s nights like these that

I could rip out my heart just until all the feeling is gone.
Nights like these are never easy.

Nights like this make you wish you could already see the crack of dawn.

Nights like these will make feel broken and alone.

It’s nights like these that I hate.

The one that got away.

You’re happy now.

You found the one that was ment for you.

I’m happy for you.

But I can’t be happy with you….

You were always the one for me.

I just wasn’t ready for that love that you came with,

Or that’s just what I kept telling myself.

Truth is: 

I was afraid.

I didn’t feel worthy of your love, 

matter of fact I felt like you were too good for me.

Your kisses created a feeling of guilt.

Your touch felt like bees stinging me all over.

Hearing you say I love just killed me.

Hence I became distant.

I pulled away from you.

I needed to cut all ties with you.

I needed to make it seem like we never happened.

But 

We did happen 

We actually had something good going on.

I tried to forget about you and I couldn’t 

You were perfect for me…

I just wasn’t ready for you at that time.

You were the one that got away

The worst feeling about a break up isn’t the time wasted with the person, nor the pain they caused you. The worst feeling about a break up is when you look at yourself and not know who you are any more. The realisation of how much you’ve changed and it isn’t even for the better. The fact that you’ve become the thing you fear or even mock. 

You cry because you broke the one promise you made to yourself, “never change who you are for your partner unless it’s improve you as an individual in or out of a relationship.” You made them centre of you word and worst of all you let them know, that is how you changed. You sacrificed so much of yourself that you have nothing left. You put everything else in your life on hold to make them happy. You broke yourself so you could build them up. 

You created a happily ever after in your head even before you were happy with them. You lost yourself just so they could be found. And where are they now? Where is that same person who “vowed” to be there for you when shit got real? You were there when they we broken, no shattered into piece. You helped them pick each and every piece even though it ment you getting cut in the process. 

The thing that hurts most is you saw it happen, you allowed it to happen, you even turn the blind just to console yourself. And now you’re asking yourself where did we go wrong, what did I do wrong, wasn’t I good enough even when you know the answer. Yes break ups are terrible and they hurt but, the worst thing about a break up is being left with the question, “who am I?”

Stop it!

Stop lying to yourself.

Stop convincing yourself that they will change.

Stop giving them countless chances to do better.

Just STOP!

You’ve heard all the excuses,

You’ve dealt with the betrayal,

You’ve been through the sleepless night of convincing yourself that things will be better.

You have been through the entire cycle, bought the t-shirt, wore the t-shirt till it faded and bought a new one again.

So STOP!

The only thing that will change is their looks and not even for the better.

The only thing that will get better are the excuse for you to take them back.

You gonna drive yourself crazy by having more sleepless nights lying to yourself so you can feel better.

There was life before they came into the picture,

Life continued even when they were around,

And guess what?

Life still continues without them.
Do yourself a favour and put a stop to it

Save yourself and say no

Get your peace of mind back and just block their ass.

Most importantly look at for number one (YOU)