Your woes…

The people you surround yourself play a huge role in one’s life. These people affect your way of thinking, determine the way people perceive you as a person and even influence the way you carry yourself. As a queen you need to ask yourself what type of people do I surround myself with, how do they benefit me, do they make me a better person or do they even inspire me to be the best version of myself? The saying, “you are only as strong as your weakest link” is true because if you are seen with a person who has no sense of direction, doesn’t care about life and simply sponges off people, everyone automatically thinks you are the same compared to being seen with a person who charming, goal orientated and full of life. So ask yourself, are the people you interact with good for, your image and your peace of mind? 

You are a Queen so you need like minded Kings and Queens in your circle, people that know their worth and won’t comprise it for anyone, people who are loyal to the royal within that know that their crown is more than just a head piece but a symbol of every triumph they’ve had….
Pick your circle wisely 
#queeningonmyownterms

It is finally here, I made it…. Well I can’t take all the credit I did get help from someone we all take for granted…. I mean He was there through the tear, self hatred, the anger, the moving back and forth He saw all the nasty parts and moved along with me till it got pleasant and eventually got to the pretty. I must say it wasn’t easy especially when it came to being honest with yourself, that time you spend confessing all the lies you believed isn’t a pleasant site but it was something that was needed, you can’t move forward while you living a lie, right? Then it got to taking back what you lost like your worth, self esteem,  joy, crown, Kingdom and most of all your relationship with the big helper. He really was helpful, He showed me how to become whole again, how to seek truth through Him how to fix me in His image, I saw myself in a different light, I felt like I just got a long overdue wardrobe change. He took me at my weakest and made me strong. He took me out of the darkness and showed me the light. He took all the broken pieces and made me whole. I asked for happiness He gave me joy. I asked for acceptance and he gave me piece. He loved me when I couldn’t love myself, He taught , how fall in love with myself all over again. 

I am a testimony of His grace and mercy.

Thank you Jesus  

Her story…

Beautiful. 

smart.

Innocent.

Stars in her eyes.

So full of life.

Everyday is like an adventure to her.

She goes to bed every night counting down the hours till the sun rises again so she can begin the new journey that awaits her…

Determined 

Capable 

Nurturing

Hungry for knowledge 

Motivated by a mere everyday thing called growing up

She is mesmerised by the different flavours life has to offer, so eager to taste every last bit…

Sassy

Opinionated 

Rebel

She walks to the beat of her own rhythm 

She exudes her new found values to the world

Ready to even defy the rules of science, her only goal is to change the world….

Insecure 

Lonely 

Constrained 

Reality just hit

She opened her eyes to the big bad world

The stars in her eyes are dim, her entire world shattered each piece leaving it’s own unique mark as a reminder.

Small

Vulnerable 

Afraid 

She dies more and more inside

Used as a trophy to the “Man”

She forgets her worth

She it taught to live by an untrue fact that a man is the only thing she’ll need….

Wise

Unapologetic 

Bold

Masterpiece 

she remembers how it began

She gracefully carries herself with elegance 

Walking away from all the pain, negativity and everything that jeopardise her peace

She needs no approval, ready to conquer and take back all she lost.

She is whole.

She is  strong.

She is perfectly imperfect.

Look out for number 1 

It’s always a tough decison for a queen to pick between love and success. But here’s the thing if you find a partner that cares about you and your dreams you wouldn’t have to pick between the two. This isn’t about having your cake and eating it this is about being with someone who will never let you compromise your throne by letting you choose between your Kingdom and them. A queen must find her king and her king should be conquering his own Kingdom and only be looking to find a queen who is conquering her own kingdom that way you can both build each other into better people. A queen deserves a king that knows her worth and appreciates how she’ll never comprise herself for him, instead she’ll ensure that he works just as hard as she does if not more.

Be the queen you know you should be with or without a king
#queeningonmyownterms

She’s done 

You know she’s done when doesn’t do the things she used to do for you

You know she’s done when me doesn’t put in the same effort as before
You know she’s done when she doesn’t worry or fuss about you anymore
You know she’s done when on your bullshit doesn’t even faze her
You don’t call, she’s ok with that…
You don’t text, she doesn’t even panic any more…
She silently pulled away from you and you didn’t notice 
And you know you’re fucked when your threats to leave make her smile….
That’s when you know she’s done for good.

It’s the life we live…

You’ve had your heart broken.

You’ve had your life torn apart.

You lost everything.

You lost everyone.

Your entire being was turned upside down 

Through it all you held your head up high and kept going.

You tried to pick up the pieces

You tried to put it back together 

You looked for everything 

You searched for everyone 

You entire being is still stuck in turmoil

Through it all you realised, “fuck it”

Your heart got broken, yes… And it isn’t the the first nor the last there’s nothing special or different about the ex, the didn’t realise that they had a gold mine on their hands so forget about it.

Your life is torn apart, so what? Has there ever been a life that’s all in one piece, I don’t think so, so gather all the pieces and ensure they are all in one place I mean you don’t need your shit all over the place right…

You lost everything… Maybe you weren’t suppose to have it. Look at it this way stop focusing on what you have and start looking at what you can do its not like you going to be buried with your things once you dead.

You lost everyone… No no no! Everyone lost you, they couldn’t handle awesomeness so find people who can, you’re not gonna be everyone’s cup of tea.

Your entire being is turned upside down and… Who know which way is the right way up even your being could be positioned the right way the only thing you should worry about is your entire being being at peace through all the turmoil. 

Screw everything, keep your head up, own your throne and grow your Kingdom that’s all that matters 

Throw it away 

Starting all over is never easy but it is necessary and I don’t mean picking up the broken pieces and putting them back together. A fresh start means taking the dustpan sweeping up all the pieces even the ones that look like you can fix and throwing it all away in the dustbin. Reason why specifically say “throw it all away in the dust” is because we tend to hold on to things unnecessarily, yes we want a fresh start but the thought of starting everything all over or even letting go of old grudges and emotions creates this fear of, “what will I fill this space with now?” We somehow create this panic within ourselves where it seem like if we get rid of these pieces we instantly lose our identities, we simply don’t know who we are without these pieces. Or better yet we are able sweep up the pieces but we throw it under the rug…. That still does nothing you because you might say you got rid of it but you know where that extra junk in your trunk comes from sad part is it ways you down. That dirt under the rug is like being in a toxic relationship you know you have to get out because you deserve better of but you don’t want to and it ends up damaging you way beyond repair or worse it kills you all because of that fear of stepping out on your own and starting a fresh. But here’s the worst of the bunch the ones who sweep up everything and I mean everything make their way to the dustbin but don’t get rid of the dirt or they do get rid of it but the won’t leave…. I don’t know how but there is a sense of guilt that falls upon us at this point where it seem like we seem to be betraying ourselves by throwing away the very same pieces that were once part of us, how do you just throw such away just like that? This become that ex that leaves you than as soon as you find that piece of happiness they have to some how ruin because they aren’t happy and if they aren’t happy you can’t be happy either. This is where you end up feeling stagnant it looks like everyone around is happy and moving on with their lives and you are just standing by the dustbin with a dustpan in your hand deciding whether to throw it all away or keep it all…

We never realise that starting all over is a way of making progress or promoting ourselves and as we move up there are things that fall or break off because they aren’t ment to move up with us, look at it like a fruit tree the more it grows the more pruning it has to get in order to bear more fruit, same with us when you start all over you have to get rid of certain things to make way for new ones. So when starting a fresh make sure you get rid of all the excess baggage, a new life doesn’t need things from the past hindering it from success

This isn’t a gender based issue. 

We all have fallen victim of it. 

We’ve all vowed that it would never happen to us but…. It did. 

It really is easy to judge and speak about how it’s done real damage to people until we ourselves go through it. 

Sad part is it leaves us with a whole lot of questions and we end up questioning our own judgement.

So why does it happen, how does it happen, is there even a way to see or sense that it’s happening?

Why do we let relationships, no the person we are in a relationship with change, control and consume us?

I mean we keep “preaching” this thing to everyone one around us especially to young women, “Don’t let your partner know that they are the BE ALL and END ALL in your life or else you’re screwed!” and yet we as the “preacher” do exactly what we said shouldn’t be done and in most cases truth be told as much as I hate saying it, it is women who do this. I don’t know if it’s a curse or we are just stubborn sometimes or we think we are immune to our own advise, I don’t know, what I know is that most of the time women are the ones who change for their partners, women give their partners all the control and women are the one that give their entire being to their partners so they can consume it. And no female can deny this fact, it is a sad and horrible one but it is the truth. There have been many strong, driven, successful women we know that have gone into a relationship and changed total they become weak and insecure women who seek approval from their partners, they only do things that their partners “allow” them to do. All of a sudden everything they work so hard for doesn’t matter anymore because what, because why, because who? 
Are we that insecure that we feel like we need to downgrade ourselves in every way possible just to keep that one person who doesn’t add shit to our lives? Is our thinking so backward that we have to forget who we are and ensure that our partners are the ones who are moving forward and succeeding? 

But like I said in the beginning this isn’t a gender based issue even though it happens mostly with women we can say that man also have the same issue. You find a man who is strong, secure of himself and hard working who will enter into a relationship and they become desperate, over compensating slaves to their partners, they will literally jump head over hills, leaving everything just for their partner who who only calls when they need something… 
Til when? 

Til when are we going to let these people have this effect on us?

Woman start realising your worth. Know that if you have to sacrifice something that is a vital  part of you then they weren’t worthy of ruling your Kingdom with you. Never and I mean never downgrade yourself for someone who doesn’t add value to your life matter of face dint downgrade yourself for anyone at all your life is all about none stop progress!

Man if you ever have to go unreasonably above and beyond for someone who can’t even be there at you lowest then it’s time to cut your losses. Realise that being a man is more than just a title, it is hard work and the sooner you realise that the sooner you’ll find you the support structure for your foundation. Never become anyone’s slave and work towards making progress everyday of your life.

Let’s stop this involuntary change.

2 a. m thoughts of a broken heart

It’s night like these that I hate most. 

Nights where sleep seems to have run off, 

my brain starts wonder 

and my heart just feels forbidden feelings… 

Nights where I miss you dearly.

Or maybe not you but the things you did.

But then again it could be you that I miss…

But I say it again, I hate nights like these!

Where I yearn for your touch,

Your warmth.

How your heartbeat became a soothing lullaby,

Except now the only sound fall asleep to is my heart shatter.

I remember nights like these where:

Your kisses gave me a rush

The way you held me gave me this high that I couldn’t explain 

we became entwined.

And now nights like this remind me how bad my addiction to you was.

Moments of regret playing over and over like a horrible nightmare.

Flash backs of times where i could have left but didn’t.

I could smell the judgement in the room with just me….

I despise night like these….

They remind me of time where we use to stay up and have the most amazing conversation.

We watched movies and fell asleep during the movie.

We had moments of passion.

Now the only moment I have is my tears meeting my pillow….

It’s nights like these that

I wish I never met you or fell in love.

It’s nights like these that

I feel hatred for you.
It’s nights like these that

I wonder if you feel the pain I feel. 

It’s nights like these that

I could rip out my heart just until all the feeling is gone.
Nights like these are never easy.

Nights like this make you wish you could already see the crack of dawn.

Nights like these will make feel broken and alone.

It’s nights like these that I hate.

post no. 21

Post 21= 21 facts about mapilamong 

Why? Because I’m turning 21 this year

1. My full name is Katlego Itumedisitse Mapilamong Nyakale 

2. My birthday is on the 12th of July (remember the day)

3. I was an accounting student now I do BBA 

4. I got my heart broken and I’m still healing

5. I secretly like being a girly girl

6. Music gives me life

7. I am a believer in Christ Jesus He is my saviour 

8 . I am clumsy AF I don’t know why I just can’t help it.

9. I am a helpless romantic and I am praying for the one created for me by God.

10. I think that the one that got a away is a guy I called Pete (he knows who he is )

11. I am an insecure person (I am working on it )

12. My biggest fear is being exactly like my father.

13. I have a love hate relationship with food.

14. My best friend is guy called titties 

15. i wanna learn how to pole dance

16. My favourite colour is BLUE

17. I haven’t had my hoeing phase yet

18. I was almost a stoner

19. I hate ciders and beers I prefer spirits

20. My biggest flaw is I can’t finish what I start

21. Writing is my safe haven